In the last issue of UFO Times (number 22), conspiracy
theorist Mary Seal suggested in her article "Alien
Encounters or Sophisticated Mind Control Experiments" that
crop circles may be manufactured by satellites, "...
boosting up the Earth's energy grid system with microwaves".
Myself and two colleagues, Phil Waterhouse and Nick Colosimo,
decided to test this possibility by taking Ms Seal's advice and
microwaving a large sod of earth with grass growing on it. Early
in the evening of June 21st, we paid a visit to a large field
near to Phil's home in Clitheroe, with a small shovel and plastic
bag secreted within our clothing. We emerged shortly afterwards
with a square piece of earth measuring approximately 20 cms by 20
cms by 5 cms deep. The grass was trimmed with scissors to a
uniform height of 10 cms to enable it to fit easily into the 650
watt Foodcare microwave oven.
The sod was microwaved in the oven on full power and examined
after 2 minutes, 4 minutes and 7 minutes. No pattern was visible
in the grass after 2 or 4 minutes, but after seven minutes a
definite circle was beginning to form. A swirled pattern of
flattened grass, 18 cms in diameter, with a confused zone in the
middle, could be seen !
We believe that the circle was formed by the rotating fan in
the top of the oven, the rotating blades directing the microwaves
down onto the grass. The rotating microwave beam, scattered down
onto the sod, may cause one side of the blades of grass to heat
up more rapidly than the other side, thus causing the blades to
bend over. In this particular oven, the metal fan rotated
anti-clockwise as seen from above, and yet this caused the grass
to swirl in a clockwise pattern.
If you don't believe it, try it yourself ! It would certainly
be interesting to see the results of other people's experiments.
But, in true Blue Peter fashion, remember to get the permission
of the head of the household before embarking on kitchen
cereology.
Let us now make a few approximations and do some calculations.
What does this experiment tell us about real crop circles ?
Assume for the time being that real crop circles are caused by
rotating microwave beams (whether these beams originate from
satellites, helicopters or passing Venusian scout ships is
irrelevant at the moment). After a few further experiments, no
doubt seasoned crop watchers will be able to say whether or not
microwaved grass circles are similar to their larger crop field
counterparts with their vital features.
With our results we can now calculate the minimum microwave
energy that would be needed to form a real crop circle. First,
let us work out how much energy it took to form our grass circle:
Energy = Power x Time
= 650 Watts x 7 Minutes
= 273,000 Joules
The area of our crop circle is given by PI, r squared.
Area = 3.14 x 0.09 x 0.09 = 0.025 square metre
Therefore the minimum energy per unit area needed to form a
crop circle is:
Energy / Area = 273,000 / 0.025
= 11,000,000 Joules
per square metre
Let us now apply the above figure to real crop circles. Assume
that the same energy per unit area is required for making
full-sized crop circles. Lets also assume that the average radius
of a full-sized crop circle is 10 metres. This gives the average
area of a full-sized crop circle as c 300 square metres. The
energy required to produce a full-sized crop circle is therefore:
300 x 11,000,000 = 3,300,000,000 Joules !!!
Let us now think about the power needed to make a crop circle.
Power is the rate at which work is done. For example, a 500 Watt
microwave oven produces 500 joules of energy every second. A
1,000 watt microwave oven would put out 1,000 joules of energy
every second and would need only half the cooking time.
So, how long does it take a real crop circle to be formed ?
This will tell us how powerful our microwave generator will need
to be, if indeed crop circles are formed in this way.
If it takes one hour to form a circle, then the required power
would be:
Energy 3,300,000,000
-------------- = -------------------
Time taken 3,600 seconds
= 1,000,000 Watts
= 1 Megawatt
If it takes less time, perhaps a minute or two as some eye
witness reports suggest, then the power would be approximately:
3,300,000,000 ---------------- = 33,000,000 Watts 100 seconds
...or 33 Megawatts.
To put this figure into perspective, Calder Hall (the early
British Magnox nuclear) power station has an output of 50
Megawatts. So, now we know what to look out for - suspicious
looking helicopters, aeroplanes or satellites equipped with
rotating microwave lasers ("masers") and powered by
compact nuclear power plants. But how can we test this hypothesis
?
My favourite suggestion is simple, albeit rather time
consuming. I suggest that several likely fields in the south of
England are selected, where crop circles have appeared before
perhaps, and eggs (free range, of course) are deposited at
regular intervals across the fields. If a circle does appear, all
we need to do is check the condition of the eggs within the
circle. If they have been crushed and flattened we can blame Doug
and Dave, if they have been hard boiled microwaves must be
responsible.
But what if it is not the military, playing with our heads and
the latest in microwave technology, as Mary Seal suggests ?
Perhaps, as someone suggested in Fortean Times, passing
aliens are using the Earth as a giant Post-It note. Or possibly,
like a plot in a Robert Rankin novel, Earthbound aliens are
microwaving messages to an approaching strike force across the
Solar System. So try to avoid strange men dressed in black, and
make ready with those eggs !
David A. Newton, Newcastle-upon-Tyne.
Editorial Notes
My thanks go to David Newton for allowing me to publish this
amusing article. Don't forget to ask before you all rush into
your kitchen to begin making mini circles.
On a more serious note we should make one or two comments.
David Newton has admitted that his article is not meant to be
taken too seriously. The mini circles he has created are, in all
probability, caused by the movement of air inside the microwave
oven caused by the rotating plate. Any connection between these
"circles" and "real" crop circles is highly
tenuous, as Meaden's atmospheric vortex theory depends on a
stream of ions, not electromagnetic radiation. Also, the figures
quoted make numerous assumptions about the moisture content of
the soil, the humidity of the atmosphere, and the size of the
blades of grass, to name but a few. Still, I applaud anyone
prepared to conduct experiments in the field. Now get out there
with those eggs !
